I was caught in a moment where my head felt so light, so much so that I would collapse after every step. Hitting the ground several times yet with a tight grip on the half empty bottle of southern comfort I had bought from the 24-hour petrol station in town. I stumbled up and down the streets in the dark. Continually consuming the poison I had purchased in my deep, depressive state. I couldn't care less if it was night or day. I hadn't a care but for myself. As though the tides inside could come in and drown my problems dragging away the remains to depths so deep their memories would never return.
All the while I knew this was impossible. I was just building up my hope with an unpredictable structure of alcohol. It was an act, a senseless act and I was the star of this one man show. Acting out every miserable scene alone trying to avoid my thoughts. Realizing I hadn't an audience or even a reason to be doing this to myself, I picked myself up out of the garden hedge I had recently found comfort in and began my walk home as sober as the day I turned 12. I didn't understand what had come over me. I went from being as low as I was to being completely content with myself.

 I reached my front door taking a seat on the dusty doormat to look out over the balcony which ran along the line of front doors. I had never been so awake and so happy. I thought back to times in my childhood and couldn't remember a single instance when I felt this much happiness. The only reason I turned to alcohol was because I was depressed, and the only reason I found myself being so depressed was because I couldn't come to terms with the problems I had. I found myself dwelling upon memories of occasions when I thought my life had taken a turn for the worst. Yet now I realized that to dwell on a problem is to create more problems. I felt that I opened up to myself. I knew and I still know that a person can't just turn a blind eye to a problem and put on a happy face, but to open up to yourself or even better to open up to someone who understands helps. There are times to be sad, but more often than never there is a time to be happy. 

I looked out over the balcony at the view which stretched for miles, with an array of lights in the distance that lit up the backdrop of ascending hills; I thought to myself, much like the view life goes on. And without dwelling on life's problems, living happily and living free I knew that on my deathbed I'll be able to say it was worth it.